It seems hard to believe that it has been four years today since Spencer died. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I didn't know he was gone on the 25th.
Peter and I were driving through Canada with the boys on our way home to visit. It was sort of odd, that trip. I REALLY wanted to go home. It had been almost two years since we had been stationed in Fort Wainwright, Alaska and we hadn't been home at all. I am very much a family person and to go more than a year without seeing my family is torture for me. But I was bound and determined to get home. All the planning was glitchy and for a while we thought it might not work. Then things fell into place and we were on our way.
We hit Dawson Creek in Canada the morning of the 26th. We stopped about 6am to call Mom and Dad and let them know where we were and how the trip was going and that we would be there in 1-2 days. Pete talked to my mom first. He was right by me when he handed me the phone. Mom told me Spence had been in an accident. Honestly, my first thought was "another one?" and asked her if he was alright, not expecting anything but a yes. And she told me no. He wouldn't be all right. It was crushing. We drove the rest of the way to Utah that day...56 hours of pretty much straight driving all told.
The thing is, this had happened before. When my little brother Matt was killed in a motorcylce accident (21 years ago in July) I was also away from most of the family. I still think the worst part of losing Spence is how angry I get sometimes that most everyone else in the family got to see him and talk to him and joke with him before he died. I missed him by 1 lousy measly day. I didn't get to give him a hug as he walked out the door, or joke with him about how beautiful he thought he was, or watch him play with Keenan. The last thing I had of Spence was his voice. That may be why, after 4 years, I still expect him to answer Mom and Dad's phone with "What do ya want?".
I miss my little brother so much. Some wonderful friends gave me a plant when I got back to Alaska. It's my "Spencer" plant. It has gotten quite lovely, even after having been frozen in the car in -20 weather when we were moving houses. It may sound corny but my plant reminds me of Spence...it's scrappy and can be so beautiful and it just keeps hanging in there. That's my little brother.
You are such strong spirit Spencer. You have made such a mark that we all miss you like you left us yesterday. I love you, bro.
2 comments:
I miss Spencer a lot too. He was such an awesome guy. My boys remember him well too and talk about him frequently. I can't believe that it has been 4 years.
what a beautiful post, kristi. i, too, miss spencer. and i wish that we could have lived closer to one another so that i could have seen him more. i love having you all as family! i'm glad he's with matt and grandma and grampa draper. :) i love you!! :) i'm glad we are able to keep up with each other more with these blogs.
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